Question 1: If a driver rudely cuts off at breakneck speeds on I-5, flipping you the bird as they pass, you…

a) slow down and let the angery driver speed ahead knowing we all have our bad days.

b) speed ahead, changing lanes to cut ahead of our speedy friend while returning the one finger salute.

c) calmly make a mental note the license plate number to track that son of a bitch down later and stick said offending finger up his or her own buttocks.

d) pull over immediately and swear off driving for the rest of your life.

Question 2: Your favorite date night would include…

a) a bottle of wine, candle light dinner and anything by Celine Dion softly playing in the background.

b) whips and chains as well as an assortment of other well intentioned devices.

c) a nice dinner at the rotating restaurant atop the Space Needle, sex optional.

d) a table for one.

Question 3: If you inherited an insanely large amount of money your first action would be to…

a) go on cocaine and prostitute bender that doesn’t end until you either OD or die of an untreatable case of super gonorrhea. 

b) invest in green energy in the hopes you can save the world and at the same time ensure your family is taken care of generations in the future.

c) organize a super PAC to fund your political aspirations of becoming the president of the United States.

d) quit your job, saying goodbye to those that you like and F@&! you to those that you don’t, and enjoy the rest of your life being independently wealthy.

Question 4: If you’re at a bar…

a) you insist on talking only about religion and politics.

b) you’re the designated driver.

c) you’re passed out on the bathroom floor just underneath the urinal, face resting in a puddle of you know what.

d) it’s just one drink, you’ve got work tomorrow.

Question 5: When you die you would like…

a) your loved ones to gather in somber remembrance of life as you are laid to rest or cremated.

b) all of your friends and family to throw a once in a lifetime (not yours) party in your honor.

c) to have yourself taken to taxidermist, stuffed and fixed in an awkward pose to be stationed around yours and other family members households to scare those unaware.

d) your consciousness downloaded into an AI created simulation.

Question 6: If you had to chose only one sport to watch the rest of your life it would be…

a) baseball, cheating has never bothered you.

b) football, North America’s favorite sport, if you don’t mind concussions and domestic violence.

c) football, the world’s game, unless you’re in the States or sober.

d) what is sportball?

Question 7: If you were to catch your significant other in the act of cheating, you would…

a) quietly close the door and pretend you never saw anything. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss.

b) run in crying, asking what you did to make this happen.

c) violence, pure and simple, violence.

d) walk away from the relationship then and there. 

Question 8: What is your favorite sexual position?

a) Good ol’ missionary. You like to stare deep into your partner’s unsatisfied eyes.

b) Doggy, the exact opposite of missionary in every aspect.

c) Kentucky Tractor Puller (do yourself a favor and DON’T look this up on urban dictionary.)

d) DIY

Question 9: The Apocalypse is upon us, the end draws near, you…

a) withdraw into your doomsday bunker to wait it out on a steady diet of stale jerky and recycled urine.

b) surround yourself with family and friends. All things must eventually come to an end. Still sucks.

c) pray to the Dark Lord, that would be me, to save your pitiful soul only to find out you should’ve sold when had the chance, which would be now.

d) do every last hard drug known to mankind. Back to back not all at one time…

Question 10: Your own personal version of Hell would contain…

a) you reliving your favorite sports team losing the big game, over and over again. Never knowing the outcome at the beginning, always devastated at the end.

b) being trapped inside one episode of Cocomelon stuck on repeat for the rest of eternity.

c) snakes, spiders, creepy crawlies of all sorts, on you, around you… inside of you. Yuck!

d) living inside a constant loop of asking your significant other what’s for dinner, them saying they don’t care and then declining every suggestion you make. 

Answer Key:

Question 1: a) 1  b) 2  c) 3  d) 0

Question 2: a) 3  b) 2  c) 1  d) 0

Question 3: a) 2  b) 1  c) 3  d) 0

Question 4: a) 3  b) 1  c) 2  d) 0

Question 5: a) 0  b) 1  c) 2  d) 3

Question 6: a) 1  b) 2  c) 3  d) 0

Question 7: a) 1  b) 2  c) 3  d) 0

Question 8: a) 0  b) 2  c) 3  d) 1

Question 9: a) 2  b) 0  c) 3  d) 1

Question 10 is not scored. It was merely for future reference.

1-9: Your soul is worth less than one dollar. May I remind you no one likes a goody two shoes, especially the Devil.

10-18: Your soul is worth exactly one dollar. You’re not the worst person in the world. Put it like this, you would be the last one picked for Hell’s kickball league.

19-27: Your soul is worth more than one dollar. You evil son-of-a-bitch, where have you been all my life? 

CLICK ON YOUR CHOICE. ALL SALES ON SOULS ARE FINAL.